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My Least Favorite A.G.
Dedicated to the Crisco Kid, Attorney General (A.G.) John Ashcroft
(Sung to the tune of "My Favorite Things" by Julie Andrews, from "The Sound of Music")
Guest song parody by Julia Ward Lynx

(instrumental intro)

Ashcroft, the head of Department of Justice
Manages like he is Caesar Augustus.
Banned from his presence is all crudity:
Calico cats, statues of nudity.

Ashcroft has spoken: our nation's security
Demands that courts meet in secret obscurity.
Rounded up suspects, stripped of liberty.
John Ashcroft is my least favorite A.G.

John Ashcroft's face rarely shows us a smile.
Grins that he'll hold folks in jail without trial.
Whisk them off to undisclosed location.
Grill them with endless interrogation.

Should John Ashcoft
Get wise to me.
I will leave my pad.
He'll come look for me
For writing these songs,
To lock me away...
He's mad.

Ashcroft is tracking suspicious activity.
Aiming at those who show terror proclivity.
Wants folks to spy on each other for TIPS.
Puritan zeal has him sealing loose lips.

Ashcroft is certain that hears God's true word.
Crisco has seeped in his brain of a bluebird.
Our civil rights gone for "security."
John Ashcroft is my least favorite A.G.

Ashcroft robbed our rights and made them illegal.
Wraps the flag 'round him in pursuit of evil.
Blame him and Bush for your lost liberty.
John Ashcroft is my least favorite A.G.

Should John Ashcoft
Get wise to me.
I will leave my pad.
He'll come look for me
For writing these songs,
To lock me away...
He's mad.


Alternate version of this song parody: CEO Corporate Stings
More song parodies by Julia Ward Lynx
More song parodies from The John Ashcroft Song Book!

Copyright © 2002 by Julia Ward Lynx

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